Shy Women Projected as Cultural Norm in Mexico July 8
One thing I miss in Mexico is seeing women being bold and boisterous. People, as a whole are reserved in Mexico,* but one advertisement shocked me to my feminist soul. The ad depicts a teen who’s peers are looking at her and her body language shows that she is painfully embarrassed by this attention. She is dressed well, looks nice, and has done nothing wrong — in other word’s there is nothing to be embarrassed about. The caption underneath says something that roughly translates to “typical girl.” If I had a BB gun I would have shot the sign! I thought, “What a terrible message to give to young women!”
Shouldn’t we be teaching young women around the world to be confident? The idea of a nation where approximately fifty percent of the population has been brainwashed into being shy — and into being shy about who they are — is terrifying.
American and Canadian tourists are surprised at how easily Mexican vendors and other locals can pick them out when they come. They assume that their touristy attire and pale skin is the major tip off — and it is. Still, there is more to it than that. There are plenty of pale-skinned Mexicans, but we “locals” can still tell that they aren’t tourists. I haven’t asked my friends what signs they look for in a person to tell where they are from, but I look at the way they walk — especially if the person is a woman. North American women often stride. Even if they are wondering aimlessly, they let their bodies move more, they don’t act shy, and finally, they slouch more. Most Mexican women walk as if someone important is looking at them; as if that someone would judge them for hurrying, acting important or having a hair out of place. A few Mexican women dress in figure-showing clothes and they want their sex appeal to be noticed so they through their shoulders back and let their hips wag. Still, that’s not the same athletic, ground-eating walk that North American women employ.
Apparently running in the street is taboo. My Mexican husband is embarrassed if I run in the street. If I jog to clear an intersection or sprint to catch the bus he tells me, “I don’t like to see you running in the street. Just walk.”
I’m actually glad I’ve been in Mexico and been exposed to how Mexicans walk since they are more graceful. My posture has greatly benefited. My family has commented on how I look good and walk well. (Actually, being a savvy expatriate, I have thought about my values and have continued to walk quickly and with confidence — I’m keeping that part of my cultural heritage and am adding on the part of having good posture.)
Still, having good posture and being confident can go hand in hand (and many of our slouchy North American young people would benefit from it too). I want Mexican women’s voices to be heard, not self-muffled. I don’t think I’d want to raise a daughter in Mexico! Society would be telling her to look cute, walk slowly, and keep quiet.
*Note: States such as Monterrey are famous for having a more bold culture, but I haven’t had a chance to live there. Does anyone out there have any experiences in “more boisterous” states in Mexico that they can share? [You can use the comments form below to put up your observations.]
judy Jul 11
Hi Julia,
I have your book and I think it is great! I was reading your blog. In the April blog you talk about the differences between the contact with your son in the US as opposed to Mexico. I wonder if the response in the US doesn’t have to do with adults being afraid of being seen as pedophiles, particular men. I know police officers/social workers/teachers who have trouble relaxing around their own children because of their training and what they deal with on their jobs. Sadly, I think we have be come a fearful nation.
Judy
Julia Taylor Jul 11
Judy,
Thank you for buying my book, and especially for thinking it’s great! I’m so glad you like it. I’m also glad you are spending your valuable time reading my blog. What a compliment.
You must be right about that fear. I can feel fear present in some situations, in fact. Our media certainly does a lot to perpetuate our belief in those horrible types of interactions with children. I don’t miss that media at all. As an expat I have no desire for cable television so I can “keep up on” the negative stuff being transmitted through our airways in the U.S. so I’ve been sheltered from it for years. (Of course, there is plenty of negative stuff on Mexican T.V., too, so I generally ignore it all.)
As a parent, I don’t leave my child alone with anyone (he’s still little). If I’m with him and can help him interact with people, then he is safe. As he gets older I’ll need to talk to him about appropriate behavior by adults, etc. I’m going to have to just trust our communication lines to help us keep him safe. In one situation I’ve told him in private “So and so is a really nice person, but you can only visit him/her with Mama or Papa. If he/she invites you into his/her house you say you want to come get Mama or Papa to go with you.”
I WANT people to interact with my son. I WANT my son to learn to talk to people, shake hands, etc. Isn’t it sad when you see those pre-teens moping around behind their parents and never even looking up when you greet them? YUCK! How are they supposed to grow up like normal members of society? How are they supposed to defend themselves against predators if they don’t know what normal interaction is like?
Aren’t we creating more pedophiles by not including all people in our communities as they are growing up? I’m not an expert, but aren’t people who exhibit deviant behavior just trying to fill some hole created by either a chemical imbalance (that would be perceived and addressed in a loving, inclusive community) or created by a lonely, isolated, or abusive childhood?
Not that Mexico has it all figured out. Mexico has quite a bit of denial going on. One of the people in my neighborhood is the director of a school and has been accused of molesting children. I’m sad that he is allowed to continue working in a school. I keep my eye on him, but I still don’t mind if he says hello to my child in the street. When my son is old enough to be alone outside, I’ll explain to him that that person isn’t trustworthy, and NOT to do anything he says. If need be, I’ll tell that person to STAY AWAY (but I don’t think it will be necessary.)
My child has benefited so much by getting to invite the neighbors to kick a ball with him for a little bit, or talk about going to the store, etc.
I guess the only thing we have to fear as parents is not perceiving any warning signs about danger. How sneaky are pedophiles? How do they set up trust so that they can then act?
I hope I don’t regret any of these comments which I’ve just written off the top of my head. Blogging tends to be a straight from the gut to the head writing process. If anyone else has more to add, I’d love to hear it.
Julia
Julia Taylor Jul 11
P.S.
Boy, Judy really brought up a big, sad, and important topic today. I was thinking further about my own feelings about this and realized that for me having a spiritual connection to a higher power helps me to deal with this. As a parent, I pray for guidance and solutions. I count on my connection to God to help me perceive dangers and find right ways to behave around other people’s children.
Judy Jul 13
Hi Julia,
Here is a sobering fact, statistically in the US, pedophiles are usually family, friends, or someone well known. I am sorry, I brought up such a heart rendering topic. I don’t see anything in your response to me, that you should regret on this topic, it sounds like common sense.
Now, I will get on my soap box and start my rant. I think so many disconnected children in the US come from being parked in front of the boob-tube from birth and being carted everywhere in those car-seat abominations. Children need to be held, touched and talked to by their parents. Okay, time to end my rant and crawl off my soap box. I guess, in my opinion, most deviant behavior is nurture not nature.
I also agree with you, without my faith, I would be lost, overwhelmed.
Enjoy your son! I think it is so wonderful you are getting the support to be a Mama when it is so necessary in a child’s life.My children are almost grown. It was such a delight to watch them grow at your son’s age.
We have talked about retiring to Mexico after the youngest has graduated from high school. Which is what brought me to your web site and the purchase of your book. Needless to say our Spanish needs some serious work. I don’t think, “Hoy! Me llama es Judy.”, is going to get me very far!
At any rate I enjoy your writing, it makes me think. Please keep blogging!
Judy
Julia Taylor Jul 14
Judy,
How kind of you. I’m glad you noticed my reply. Most people don’t because it often takes me a few hours or a day to reply.
Thank you so much for having the guts to say that about isolated children. We had a snuggli, a sling, a rebozo, and a backpack to carry our son in. (Though, I wouldn’t have minded better stroller accessibility after our son was one — and then two — and I still had to carry him everywhere!) He got lots of touch and stimulation. I also firmly believe in nursing for at least a year.
We also only let him watch sports with his father on T.V. He doesn’t know who big bird is, and calls his big bird car the “duck” car. The only character he knows his name is “Pooh.”
Good luck learning Spanish. It’s a worthy adventure.
Julia