Julia

I read the book – it is one of a kind. You have a wonderful writing style; the book is very helpful and a fun read at the same time. I need to work on my nudging technique when driving – being a polite gringo behind the wheel doesn’t help anyone.

Bob Lanham

Thank you Bob!

Dear Julia,

I read your book about a year ago, and found it to be so relevant to our family’s transitions to Mexico! I have recommended it to numerous people.

L.E.

January 14, 2011

Hi Julia,

We bought your e-book in December of 2009 before coming to Querétaro in February of 2010 to study Spanish. We found it to be a very useful, enjoyable and informative source of information. We ran into just about everything you included in your book and then some extras on our first ever international trip. (We are now 60 years old!) When we returned to the USA last March we breathed a sigh of relief and just about fell on our faces to “kiss the soil” of our native country.

Then the shocker! [We returned] to the country where I had said, “I would never drive a car down here! These people are crazy!”

Now on our third FMM we are living in our rented house, driving where ever we want to go, riding the camiones, handling emergencies at the hospital, trying to learn the language and deal with the incredible differences in culture, living arrangements, business practices and day-to-day frustrations (and quite a number of JOYS) that accompany the “Mexican Adventure.” We still appreciate the things that we learned from your e-book and hope that you and your husband are doing well.

By the way, it was an encouragement to us (especially my wife) that you decided to “stick with” your husband rather than take the easy way out and stay in “good ole USA.”

The only thing I really miss is my nightly Pop-Tart with my cup of hot chocolate. We can find them at the local “foreign food store” but they are four to five DOLLARS per box.

Robert and Sherry Marie, a.k.a. Roberto y María

Robert shared some good insights in his reply.  I’ve highlighted in bold the parts that I think all of my readers should consider.

ON DRIVING IN MEXICO

One of our friends explained the driving rules and we have been using it ever since with great success. He said that driving is, “like water flowing down hill.” You just have to fill the “holes” with your vehicle or someone else will.  Along with your great section on “nudging” we have not had any problems.

And I feel that the Mexican drivers around us are just as comfortable with us driving like they do. In fact I worry that if I drove like I was in the “lane restricted” mode of the USA I would confuse everybody and cause accidents. (Lord help me when I have to return north to switch back to USA style: stay in your lane, use your turn signals, if you pass your turn – go on, don’t turn right from the left lane and vice versa, etc.)

ON UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE U.S AND MEXICO

Generally as we have looked at the way things work in Mexico, at first it looks crazy. But upon reflection it kind of makes sense. We don’t see a lot of heavy equipment doing the jobs that people can do: forklifts moving pallets of cement blocks, for example. At first look we think, “That’s crazy. Why have five guys hand carrying 1000′s of pounds of cement blocks from a truck to a courtyard of a house? That takes hours compared to the USA method of one guy and fifteen minutes.”

Then the light of realization shines. One guy working or five. What makes more sense?

If you add those little pieces that help people to “shift their thinking” to the Mexican way of “reason” it would help with the culture shock problem. We North Americans have a way of thinking that our way is right and everybody else is wrong. We need to break out of that to appreciate that, people are really the same everywhere. They are reasonable human beings. It is just that their reason may be based on different assumptions.

Robert Pruitt

Many thanks to you Robert!

Though I had lived in Mexico for seven years when I was in my 20′s-30′s, that was a long time ago and when I decided to return in retirement yours was one of the books I chose for my small catch-up library.  I thought highly enough of it that it was one of the two that I finally brought with me.  Lots of good info and pretty realistic reading for those who, like me, prefer not to live in one of the walled North American ghettos (or ‘gringolandias’) that many Americans and Canadians here buy into.

…

Thanks for the good work, especially on the culture front.  People at least need to know what the local customs and expectations are – even if they decide not to comply, they will better understand the impressions they make and the cultural distance locals come to meet them.

Sincerely,
DC

Thanks for your wonderful e-book, “Mexico: The Trick is Living Here”! There are SO many useful details that you took time to include. This REALLY helps me feel that I can make my dream of spending time living in Mexico a reality.
Thanks again,
David Rosen
Oakland, California

Wow! Thanks to you, David, for letting me know that you think my book is wonderful. It’s true that the details paint a clear picture — something that makes my book very unique. Enjoy living the dream in Mexico.

Kindest Regards,

Julia C Taylor

Chimamanda Adichie, a Nigerian novelist tells how a “single story” can blind us to reality. Watch her speech at http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html. She even talks about her own encounter with Mexico and about her false impressions, quickly shattered once she got there.

We must all be as honest as she is.

Jane (wife) and I have lived in Queensland Australia for the last 25years – we are dual Anglo/Australians. I ‘retired’ from 30yrs in the travel business sometime ago, but Jane has been trying to retire from her VP position … for about 2 years – they keep enticing her to stay! She has finally put her foot down….

We are both well travelled and have lived in a few countries over the years, but my years in travel have shown me not to rely on “travel guides” to give comprehensive information about any country. I realise that all travel brochures and guides are trying hard to ‘sell’ their destination, rather than accurately describe it. So, obviously, all must be seen as sweetness and light. Australia is a prime example of this.

It is seen as “un-Australian” to make derogatory remarks about anything Aussie. The glass-jawed populace get quite hysterical if you hold up a mirror to their shortcomings, and retaliate with venom, (it’s unlikely Harry Connick will be invited back soon!). So to write a book about the realities-of-life, in any country, is indeed quite brave – but totally necessary reading for anyone contemplating an extended residency in said country, to be enlightened beyond the ‘spin’.

I was gladdened, therefore, to find your expose’ on the realities of life in Mexico.

Jane was delighted with All of the insights you provided (I am still absorbing and cross referring all your info at a more leisurely pace) especially regarding medical insurance, bringing a vehicle into the country (we plan to fly into Houston, buy a car there, and drive down) and your experiences with banking and other utility bureaucracies.

Fortunately, we are in a position of retiring fairly comfortably, so we plan to travel all over Mexico, and not necessarily end up in one place. San Miguel de Allende will do nicely, for a few months at least, as an introductory base to explore from.

You may, indeed, use any of my comments/name in your referencing, if you consider them worthy of inclusion.

Kindest regards,
–Graham Papworth, Australia

Graham,

Thank you very much for granting permission to use your comments on my web site.

I was surprised at how “shallow” the available information about Mexico was when we were planning our move in 2001. It was so fluffy it was useless to me when I was adjusting to Mexico. I finally had to write the book I needed–and all the credit for the depth of the book goes to my husband, of course. Whenever I thought I had it all figured out, he always had more to say on a topic!

Congratulations on beginning a comfortable retirement! Mexico is going to be a great place to be–especially since you are experienced travelers.

Kindest Regards,
Julia C Taylor

Children in Mexico have immunization scars on their arms that look like the ones the boomers have. When I would get together with other moms and toddlers, some of their children would have the recently-made red welt on their arms.  In contrast, our son was born in Mexico, has a full regimen of shots and does NOT have that scar — ultimately not for cosmetic reasons, but for immunity and health reasons.

I don’t know much about vaccines, but I know that they can be made from live, killed, or modified versions of the disease causing agent. Since I had already grown to deeply distrust IMSS and the national medical system in Mexico due to some bad experiences, I found a private pediatrician in our town that was well-thought of and famous for not giving lots of prescriptions and medicines, especially antibiotics, which tend to be frighteningly overused in Mexico.

You see, seeing that scar on childrens’ arms had gotten me to thinking.  My parents had that scar, but I didn’t. I wondered if it was because we no longer vaccinated for that in the US. I could imagine three different reasons for discontinuing a particular vaccine. Reason number one might have been that whichever disease it protected against was so uncommon it was considered “eradicated.”  Reason number two might have been that a new vaccine had been developed. Reason number three might have been that the vaccine was later determined to cause more risk than benefit. The pediatrician I found helped us to make informed decisions about which vaccines were right for our son.

It has been a couple of years since we did our son’s vaccination series and I am not a doctor, nor a medical professional, so double check all of this info for yourself.  If memory serves, that scar is caused by the tuberculosis vaccine. Our doctor told us that the vaccine does not produce immunity and is only useful to help protect people in high risk situations, such as children who live with a family member who has active tuberculosis. Since no one in our family had tuberculosis, we did not give him that vaccine. Our doctor said that having it can even cause a false positive test for the disease.  Another vaccine I was worried about was the polio vaccine. I don’t remember as many details about that one, but by conversing with this doctor I felt safe giving the vaccine we gave.  Not that everything from the US is better, but this doctor administered the same vaccines that are given in the US. This had the added advantage for us, that if we were to return to the US (where no one seems to know one thing about Mexico), the schools would be satisfied with the shots our son had had.

The shots were expensive — hundreds of U.S. dollars, but I never regretted a single cent. An unplanned benefit of taking our son to this pediatrician when he was healthy was that, when our son was ill, we could call our pediatrician at any time day or night and he would help us without making us bring our son in.  This doctor, like many in Mexico, still serves the parents directly and the relationship with the doctor has been soothing to our nerves. Imagine the difference between heading out to the emergency room at 2:00 am with a baby who is throwing up bile and calling the pediatrician who knows him, getting told over the phone what to buy at the 24 hour pharmacy, and giving it to the child 30 minutes later. Of course, this same sleepy pediatrician didn’t just give us a medicine’s name over the phone and hang up. We talked about the symptoms, then he told us warning signs that might indicate more sever problems, and he followed up.

I was also impressed by his use of lab tests, rather than simple symptoms. One time, this saved our son from being unnecessarily medicated. One time I saw blood in his stool. A friend’s baby had just been diagnosed with amoebas (from blood in his stool) and was taking harsh medicine for it. My doctor ordered lab tests of the stool sample and it turned out to be an extremely acidic stomach. The doctor quickly figured out that I’d recently added Oreos back into my diet! Since I was nursing, the Oreos were effecting my son. That was a simple, safe fix and my son was spared a regimen of harsh medications.

Another friend’s daughter was always on antibiotics for this and that. In contrast, our son never needed them. Our pediatrician always found ways to help him to heal quickly and naturally. He is a standard M.D., not naturopathic, it’s just that he is very smart about how he does things.

When you live in Mexico, see if you can find a pediatrician in your town with a strong reputation. Even if you are “retired in Mexico” and don’t need a pediatrician, I think these anecdotes can give you some ideas of what to look for for yourselves!

*** THIS BLOG POST WAS NOT WRITTEN BY A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. DO NOT MAKE ANY DECISIONS BASED ON THE INFORMATION CONTAINED HERE. FIND A DOCTOR AND ASK HIM/HER FOR GUIDANCE.***

I also want to say right up front, that my experiences in Mexico cannot be compared to those that I might have had in the US. I’ve only been pregnant once and I was nowhere near the US during this experience. Despite being quite “American” in lots of ways, I know nothing about pregnancy and delivery in the US.

What I learned in Mexico is that a lot of women who say they want a natural childbirth experience end up with caesarean deliveries. The more I learned about the situation, the more I came to view childbearing as a feminist issue. It appears that when childbirth is guided by women, with men in active support roles, births tended to be bonding, positive experiences for family units. On the other hand, when the birth process is in the hands of doctors, it becomes a medical procedure and women’s physical strength and emotional experience is negated.

It’s too bad we aren’t in Europe. There are some places in Europe where the labour and delivery wards are designed to make women and their partners comfortable and to assist in a relaxed, natural delivery. They have cushions of different sizes, areas for stretching and hanging, accessible warm water showers, and dedicated staff. There are even beautiful water delivery options! Alas, that is not for us, but we can still have great labour experiences, if we take charge of our own options and surround ourselves with caring, knowledgeable people.

To find a doctor who is committed to natural childbirth, ask people about their doctors and delivery experiences. You have to compare stories. There were some doctors in our town who were well thought of, but most of the women that I talked to about their deliveries had caesareans…. Ask doctors what percentage of their deliveries are natural. WHO says that 20% of deliveries should end in caesarean. If the doctor says 80% of his/her deliveries are caesareans, you have not yet found your doctor.

In our town, La Lega de La Leche was a good source of information on local doctors and their tendencies, but there isn’t a group in every town. Another good source of information was our pre-natal class. We attended free trial sessions of two different classes to see which one we preferred. The one we chose really stood out to us. The instructor included the partners (mostly fathers, but other “coaches” were also made completely welcome. The instructor’s objective was to give the mother full support during labour and delivery), rather than focusing only on the women – she even had a special form for fathers to complete while registering.

By learning the stages of labour and pre-labour you and your partner are better prepared to set yourselves up for success and have a natural delivery – even with a caesarean liking doctor. This class also included a small percentage of partners who chose home delivery. We were not considering delivering our baby at home, but that showed that it was a community of people who were dedicated to natural childbirth.

A strong indication of a doctor’s commitment to natural childbirth is if they charge the same no matter what kind of birth it is. The doctor I most preferred in our town was known to be committed to natural childbirth and she had only one fee – no matter which way the delivery occurred. Doctors who charge more for a caesarean are more likely to deliver that way. It’s a racket, really. They show you two prices, one for natural childbirth and one for caesarean. They tell you that there is “no reason” you shouldn’t have a natural delivery. You like the lower cost of the natural delivery, so you feel like you are getting a deal. What you don’t know is that by delivering caesarean, not only do they earn more money the process is more under their control. They don’t have to wait around for natural processes to unfold. They don’t have to put in the hours of helping you relax, walk around, sit in a hot shower, etc, etc.

On the flip side, just by not doing these things, they make it more likely that you won’t be able to deliver naturally. (This is really a key point that first-time moms rarely take into consideration – and doctors bank on it – literally.) Before we had our son, we heard lots of stories from other moms and I observed that even when parents were clear with their doctors that they “wanted” a natural childbirth there would always be “something” and they’d end up with a caesarean (and convinced that they needed it, so don’t let that be an indicator for you).

I think it’s important to mention that at first our pre-natal class appeared to be overly expensive given our earnings and our usual spending habits in Mexico. I asked my husband to attend the free trial visit to the class before I would even tell him how much it would cost! In the end, we both thought it was worth every peso. I was shocked when my husband – who normally won’t even spring for pollo rostizado if we can make scrambled eggs at home, said so to his family and friends. It was lovely to hear him telling his BROTHER all about the stages of labour and how to help his wife during delivery. Both of us strongly advise first time parents to take a pre-natal class together (called clase psicoprofilactico in Spanish) – and the more committed to couples and to natural childbirth the better. This class got us started on the path of parenthood as a united pair. Friends and family commented on how we were unusually relaxed as newbie parents. Not to mention that we had a dream delivery with our son, that is a sacred memory to both of us.

Here is the kind of story you are looking for when you are researching doctors. One of my friends delivered her baby before I did and she chose the same doctor I preferred. She told me that during transition (that’s when it hurts the most and most women end up getting an epidural, even if they didn’t “plan” one in their original birth plan) she asked for an epidural and the doctor told her, she would not give one because the baby would be born before it could even take effect. In the moment, my friend felt angry. After delivery she said she wanted to give the doctor a big kiss and hug for saying, “no.” She and her baby were both more alert and ready to begin nursing than they would have been if she had gotten an epidural – not to mention that an epidural would have greatly slowed the process down, reduced my friend’s experience of the actual delivery, and introduced unnecessary risk. She had her next two babies with this same doctor.

Maybe you can turn this into a question for doctors you are “interviewing.” Something like, is there ever a point during labour that you would refuse a mother pain relief?

In my case, the first doctor we went with was highly recommended by a friend, so I was convinced that he was just the greatest gynaecologist in the world. Luckily for us, he chose to blatantly lie to us so that he could begin to steer us toward a caesarean. If he had been less bold, he might have kept us as clients. As it turns out, we had already started our prenatal class and when I told the teacher what my doctor had told us, she told me to get a second opinion. When I got the second opinion, his lie was exposed and we never went to see him again.

The short of it is that I had asked my doctor about a condition I thought I might have. He used that little bit of fear that I had to tell me that I needed a caesarean. He even had my husband look at my cervix through a special instrument so he could “see” how much I needed a caesarean. When I got the second opinion I was told that my cervix was completely normal and healthy looking. This other doctor probably knew that to any regular guy, like my husband, a normal cervix looks terrible. He literally banked on freaking my husband out. This is so unethical it makes my stomach ache! It is also not that uncommon. In a different context, I heard our prenatal class instructor say that doctors commonly manipulate the fathers into pushing for the caesareans by scaring them about the “consequences” of not getting one. This is why it is so important that each expectant mother have a birth coach that attends the classes with her and can support her during labour.

You might also ask around and see if there are any professionally trained midwives or doulas in your town. Una “partera” can mean a lot of things in Mexico, so do your research well, but there is potential there for a lovely delivery experience. Even if you talk to a midwife or doula, but don’t choose to deliver with her, she will likely know which doctors in town are committed to childbirth, which ones ‘ride the fence’ and which ones have earned the nickname “Dr. C-Section.”

Once you find the right person, it will be lovely.

I’m so very glad I delivered in Mexico because our family had a beautiful natural birth and my husband was involved in every stage. He was my hero all of the way through, providing pain relief with acupressure, coaching, encouraging, and caring for me. He will never forget seeing his son born. Also, Mexico is a wonderful place to have little children.