Right on. Thank you for expanding our understanding of how the system works — and you’re right, it DOES work.

Kindest Regards,

Julia C Taylor

I’m Mexican and I wanted to say that yes, the system of favors exists, but most importantly, it works. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be applied to most of one country’s population.

In my experience, the lower your economical class is, the more you depend on this system. After all, if you earn 8 dollars per day, you really need to pull favors on very short notice if your child(ren) suddenly falls ill and needs expensive medicine.

It’s also true that we don’t consider just the economical value of the money. For example, I’d rather give 100 pesos for the Christmas party at the office than having to be the pariah for the next 4 months, even though those 100 could have gotten me a better meal elsewhere (and if I don’t plan to attend, I say, “I can’t make it, but here’s 20). Also, one time I lent money to someone at the office. He never paid me back, but I thought I was better off because it meant that he would be too embarrassed to ask for money again. And if he had been cynical enough to ask me again, I could just tell him that I had already lent him some (plus some small excuse about how I didn’t have any money, after all, it’s all aboot face-saving too).

Another time, a young singer asked me to buy her CD. I didn’t really want to, but I did. Later on, when she asked around for money for some other thing, I was able to tell her that I already contributed to her.

What maybe some foreigners don’t see is that the other side of the coin is that these people “owe” you one. If I needed to have someone to sing at a party, I could have asked the singer to do it and I would probably have gotten at least a discount. If I needed someone to help me move, I could have asked the guy I lent him money to.

Now, the thing is not whether your 300 pesos are worth a bowl of soup because what you’re “buying” is not the favor, but the timing of the favor. You do favors so that WHEN you need a favor, you can call on those favors.

Does everyone return those favors? No, of course not. But that’s why you have a network. If you do favors to 5 people, and one of them refuses to return it, you still have another 4 that you can call.

And again, it’s not the value of money that it’s taken into account. In the Mexican mind, it’s better to lose the money if it means that some deadbeat will not have the face to talk to you again. If you work together, it’ll be him who will be embarrassed and try to hide from you. Plus, that person just labeled himself “favor-unworthy” to you and everyone in the same social circle. He’ll have a hard time getting a favor again.

The guy I lent money to and never paid back became the most hated person in the office, often spending his time by himself. And all we had to do to mortify him was to talk about “paying debts” and he would leave the room.

Now, there is a limit. I recommend that when you lend money or things, you consider them lost (that’s what I do and it’s saved me tons of regrets). Therefore, don’t lend or give anything more than what you’re comfortable with. I certainly wouldn’t have lent $2,500 pesos like the example above, but maybe $500. Most importantly, once you “contributed,” it means you don’t have to contribute again, or not as much. Remember, it ALL depends on the specific individual and situation. You certainly feel “obligated” to contribute again if it’s an emergency, but that means that person owes you twice as much (especially because YOU saved him in his time of need). Otherwise, just give a small excuse for not having money and add “plus, I already helped you that other time when…”

Finally, there are millions of people in Mexico and we are all different (I do not like chile nor soccer, which makes me the weirdest Mexican). It’s very hard to cover in a few paragraphs all the different situations that can arise. WITH TIME, you’ll learn who is responsible and considerate, who is not, who is “worth” having a favor relationship with, who is just a hole in the ground that will make your money disappear, and who you’ll give money to in exchange for nothing just because it’s the humane thing to do.

Greetings from Mexico.

I love what she has to say! She really communicates how narrow messages about “others” cause us to be blind to the realities of our similarities.

As I was working on the majority of articles for this web site I was in my own process of adjustment to culture shock. I gave (and still give) myself permission to have feelings about it. The only way I knew how to describe the experiences was with generalizations. If I had put hedge words into everything my web site would have been either too watered down to say anything or too bogged down and boring.

At the same time, I knew that much of my American audience was the victim of the “single story” as Chimamanda Adichie calls it. I was hoping to use my stories to teach them something about the realities. Hoping to be a model of adjustment — not because I was perfect, or even very good, but because I was willing to TRY, to really WORK AT IT. As I wrote I hoped that other Americans would be inspired to set aside their superior attitudes and join their new communities — even though the process is frustrating.

I had more stories from Mexico than most Americans — I wasn’t a victim of the single story, but was a victim of the poverty story. My introduction to Mexico came through people who were in serious-enough circumstances to immigrate illegally to the U.S. My images of Mexico were never those of a comfortable life and included a lot of struggle with class-ism.

I guess I mostly achieved my goal, but I’ll never know for sure.

I wish everyone would listen to Ms. Adichie’s speech!

Thank you for contributing something so important.

Kindest Regards,

Julia C Taylor

I read your article, and it came to my mind the speech that a Nigerian writer gave in a university. Her name is Chimamanda Adichie, and the speech was “the danger of a single story”.

http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html

what do you think?

All the best

Hugon

Kindest Regards, Julia

We classifed or friends by trust, you know that someone can be trustful in different situation. For example I only go out to a club with people I know will pay they part. I only go make futbol team with people I know will go to the matches. I only borrow money to people who can pay back and that I am in contact with them often, like neigbours or co-worker.

You need to understand that the mexican culture is different of the American or Canadian by the fact of how it was constructed this country, while you were colonizer (killing all the native people) Spaniards were conqueror, abusing the indigeneus and slavering. The Mexican culture is very traumatized by this so they have a culture of abusing others and never let them self abuse.

In a country for example like Germany if someone abuse the system, the circle of friend will be ashame of him or her, but in Mexico if you abuse the system or other the people is proud.

I believe you can see this behavior in the way they drive, they will never let other to pass before them, because if you do it other will thing you are a idiot instead of a nice guy.

If you want to trutly understand this phenomenal I recommend you the book of Octavio Paz “El laberinto de la Soledad” he write it when we was living in Paris and understood more about tthe way we behave.

I think it’s interesting that this description made sense to you — as a Mexican with a very interesting background. Thanks for sharing. I love the way your names tell such an interesting story!

Also… I just came to these conclusions on my own, so they aren’t necessarily true for everyone.

Kindest Regards,

Julia C Taylor

Me and my husband are Mexican. My first name happens to be in Italian, but my dad and all his family were refugees from Catalonia (Spanish Civil War), although the surname itself doesn´t seem to ba Catalan. My German surname (Zierold) comes from a great-grandfather, and my husband´s surname( Turnbull) from a Scot who came as a train engineer in Don Porfirio´s time. A large part from both our families came quite recently from different regions of Spain ( Plaza, Reyes, Montes ). I might have some native ancestors from Michoacán and Chihuahua, but I don´t know much about them.

I have always felt I don´t completely understand other Mexicans, and I don´t feel like I belong sometimes. I´ve also had to learn about favors and other stuff the hard way. I felt more at home when we lived in England for 4 years! This is a real eye opener. Maybe I hadn´t wanted to aknowledge that my relatives, my husband, my in-laws and myself aren´t really as “Mexican” as I had always wanted to consider myself and them. Gracias

Thank you for your most interesting comment.

I hope I’ve explained the “system” well enough. It’s hard to describe culture accurately because every individual and every part of Mexico is different, but I guess my own experiences are a good start.

I’ve wondered the same as you about favor-networks operating whenever money is scarce among a group of people. Hunter-gatherer societies have similar systems.

Enjoy Mexico and I’m sure you’ll do great at building your own “favor network.”

Regards, Julia Taylor

I wonder if this system isn’t common in many cultures where no one has enough money to simply pay for whatever they need, but everyone has to rely on friends/neighbors for various favors. Maybe it’s our standard American culture that is unusual, in the grand scheme of things.

I’m hoping to retire to Mexico later this year, and I’ll certainly want to be part of the “favor network” – thanks for explaining how it works!